Absolutely boring

Imperfection is beauty

Madness is genius

It’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than to be absolutely boring.

Marilyn Monroe

Each day has enough trouble of its own

As a general rule, I am not a worrier.  Not to say that I don’t ever worry, of course sometimes I do, but not usually, not often.  Worry doesn’t usually keep me up at nights.

Tonight is different.  Tonight I sit here almost afraid to go to sleep for fear that I won’t hear my phone if it rings.  I am notorious for sleeping through my alarm so why would my phone be any different?

My mom isn’t feeling well and has been having chest pains for I don’t know how many days.  I have been encouraging her to go to the doctors and today when she called they told her that she should go to the emergency room.  My mother is stubborn.  STUBBORN!  Especially when it comes to anything medical.  She waits until the last possible minute to seek medical attention and this time I am afraid.

There is no dragging her there either.  If she does not want to go there is nothing I can do but wait and be ready to go when she is ready to go.

Of course my dad is out of town and so she is home alone which scares me too.  Maybe I should have stayed over there tonight.  perhaps that would have eased my mind a little.

I am concerned/worried about my mom.  She has not taken very good care of her health.  She has been a smoker for well over thirty years, she has high blood pressure that she doesn’t treat, she doesn’t sleep well and she doesn’t have very healthy eating habits.

It’s time to spend some time with the only One that can provide me with a reprieve from my worry.  Time for prayer before I head off to sleep.  Time to worry less and trust in Him more.  He is in control.

A few minutes…a few thoughts

This year I moved from the preschool to the kindergarten class at church.  I am co-teaching with my sister, which really is a lot of fun.  I haven’t taught a class with her in years…fifteen years or so actually.  I am truly blessed to see my sister at work; she is an awesome teacher and I know that I will learn so much from her.  (As long as I don’t keep taking over that is.)  I have such a tendency to ‘take charge’ in the classroom.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago we had such a small class and I had the opportunity to shoot a couple of pictures.  These children are a definite work in progress and I can’t wait to see how they grow as the year goes by.

By God’s design, there lies in wait for you

Important work that no one else can do.

Just as the planets find their paths through space,

You too must grow to fill your proper place.  ~Thayer

Let freedom ring!

My Country, ‘Tis of Thee

My country, ’tis of thee,

Sweet land of liberty,

Of thee I sing;

Land where my fathers died,

Land of the pilgrims’ pride,

From every mountainside

Let freedom ring!

My native country, thee,

Land of the noble free,

Thy name I love;

I love thy rocks and rills,

Thy woods and templed hills;

My heart with rapture thrills,

Like that above.

Let music swell the breeze,

And ring from all the trees

Sweet freedom’s song;

Let mortal tongues awake;

Let all that breathe partake;

Let rocks their silence break,

The sound prolong.

Our father’s God to Thee,

Author of liberty,

To Thee we sing.

Long may our land be bright,

With freedom’s holy light,

Protect us by Thy might,

Great God our King.

Hide and Seek

Sometimes you have to look hard to find the blessings.  Look beyond the obvious, beyond the in-your-face type of things.  Look past the needs that have been met and truly see what God is doing in your life.  It’s there, you just have to look.

Financially my world has been turned upside down and even a little inside out over the past couple of months.  I have come to realize that I had created an idol of our financial security.  I had faith in it and I should have had none.  Never should I have depended on the money coming in, the job that I had, the job that Chuckie had, the ability to pay the bills or the extra money to do with what I pleased.  It was a blessing…and I turned it into a curse.  I know that my God is a jealous God and perhaps the upheaval of our financial status is His way of saying enough is enough.  But I also believe that God does not punish His children, but instead disciplines.  He will allow us to suffer the natural consequences of our actions, but if we allow Him, He will also guide us and teach us through it.  We are never alone.

And so I am learning to look…look for what God is showing me.  See the lessons and learn them.

When will it be winter?

It’s getting too hot. Is it wrong to say that I absolutely despise, DESPISE!!!, summers here? I don’t honestly care that it is a dry heat either. It’s still way too hot! WAY TOO HOT!

I’ve never been a huge fan of the whole swimming pool thing, but this year…this summer…I may just change my mind. Now I just need to find someone with a pool.

I Spent Saturday

watching my husband do something that he loves…

…and loving every minute of it…

…but why did he have to wear his only pair of decent shorts?

On Sunday…I’ll Be…

I don’t know why I thought it was the 3rd Sunday in May.  For some reason I really thought I had another week before Mother’s Day, so imagine my surprise when everyone started talking about their plans this week at work.

‘Hide under my covers.’   That’s what I wanted to tell everyone my plans were for Mother’s Day.  That’s what I want my plans to be.  Mother’s Day is honestly my least favorite holiday in the entire year.  If I could forget it exists, I surely would.

Please don’t get me wrong.  I love my mother.  I think she should be celebrated for who she is and for all that she has done.  I am thankful for her.  Truly thankful.

And I also celebrate every other woman who is a mother.  For everything they give…for the love, the tears, the worrying, the lessons, the discipline, the sacrifices, the compassion, the sleepless nights, the bedtime stories, the favorite meals, the hugs, the compliments, the honesty, the prayers, the advice, the time…  I celebrate all of them.  They most definitely deserve it.

But for me.  Mother’s Day is a reminder.  A reminder that I do not have children of my own.  And well meaning people tell me that I am like a mother to so many and I know that they are trying to be compassionate and sensitive.  They are trying to make sure that I don’t feel left out…unincluded.  But despite their best efforts, the substitute is no comparison for the real thing.  Being celebrated because you have some sort of impact on the life of someone else’s child is like receiving an award for someone else’s project…just because you were there.  It’s placating.

Of course, the flip side of the coin is that everyone simply ignores you on Mother’s Day.  Because you are not a mother, you are overlooked, forgotten, set aside.

No win.  Because neither of them make me feel good.  Both of those scenarios leave my heart aching.

And I really wish I could just avoid putting anyone in an awkward situation on Mother’s Day.  I really wish that hiding under the covers for the day was an option…a real viable option.

This, That & the Other

Definitely have no problem with the job…at least not the technical aspect of it.  But ohmygosh are my shoulders sore!!!  sore!!!  sore!!!  I can’t find a comfortable way to sit that doesn’t tense up my shoulders.  And there’s no massage in my future, only pain.  AUGH!

Started looking for a second job.  Something I can do in the evenings for a couple of hours.  I want to be able to buy groceries and with Chuckie getting less and less hours at work, we have to do something.  So we are looking.  I’m hoping the old adage is true…that it is easier to find a job, even a second job, when you already have a job.  I am hoping for something part-time, just enough for groceries and a few extras…Internet and cable.

I am on Day 3 of Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be by Donna Partow.  Today was about accountability.  I am praying that God will bring the right person/people into my life for this.

As part of this study, I have also started to commit Proverbs 31:10-31 to memory…this week I am working on Proverbs 31:10-11…A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  (If any of that is wrong, I apologize…I typed it from memory).  I am excited about memorizing it in its entirety.  I am excited to see how it will impact my life.

Okay…need to start the night time routine and get to bed at a decent hour…have to work tomorrow.  Yea God!

The Here and Now and Then

I started training at my new job today.  I feel incompetent right now.  I know it is only my first day and I can’t be expected to know it all and do it well, but it’s a hard adjustment…entry level…it’s hard to not know what you’re doing after fourteen years.  It’s hard starting over.

But don’t get me wrong.  I am incredibly thankful for the job at OS.  It will meet our needs.  And that is what is most important.  God has provided.  And He will continue to provide.

Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD ?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.  Proverbs 30:7-9

But I am struggling to be content.  Am I where God wants me?  Am I where God wants me right now?  Am I following His lead or asking Him to follow me?

I still want to look for something else.  Something that offers health insurance for my family.  A want or a need?

If I am honest, I want to look for something with a little more prestige.  Pride.  Plain and simple.

I want to look for a job that won’t drive me absolutely insane with all of the repetitive, busy work day after day after day.

I am people oriented…this job is project oriented.

I am spontaneous…this job is scheduled.

This job is everything I am not.  Everything I don’t feel comfortable with.

I am not trying to borrow trouble, but this job is going to be hard…at least for me.