I lost my way. And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But, losing your reason for the journey… is a fate more cruel. My journey lasted a while. Sometimes I traveled alone, sometimes, there were others who took the wheel — and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn’t me who arrived…it wasn’t me at all. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be… or lose that person completely. Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you’ve been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are.
I feel rather redundant. Continually mentioning this ‘loss of self’ that I feel. I feel like somehow, by now, I should have found what was lost and moved on. And I wish that was the case. Maybe the problem is that I am still on the journey and I’m trying to change the course before I ever reach the destination. I realize I don’t recognize this person. And I want the person at the end of the journey to be the same as the person that started it.
But maybe that’s not the point of the journey at all. Maybe the journey is meant for change. It is meant to shape me into someone else, someone that at a glance I do not recognize.
However, I am afraid of the change. Well maybe not the change itself, but I fear that some of the changes may not be for the better. I fear that in the end there will be parts of me that I do not like. And is the destination too late to realize that I was on the wrong journey?
—- Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944)